Guilt-stricken

I'm so troubled now, and feeling very apologetic to the club (NUS Toastmasters). I actually booked a speaking slot for my project 2 next tuesday. Then suddenly, I am going for OBS next tuesday till friday, as required for the Teaching Scholarship. I know trust broken is hard to build back again. Sigh, so guilt-stricken. I am so irresponsible. Though apologising will not make me feel better, i still feel that i ought to apologise to the club personally. It isn't the first time i'm making a last minute change. The first few times were because I fell sick. But still, sometimes it doesn't matter what excuse you have for something you have done wrong. People will just remember that you've done something wrong. Isn't it so? =(

I am very very packed these days. There are just so many things to do, and there's so little time. Had MOE Teaching Scholars meet-up session today at MOE. Then after that went shopping with laobei (peiyee) at Far East, for the wedding this sunday. =) Finally managed to clear all my enquiries about the banker's guarantee issue. And I am so thankful to my cousin Mike who agreed to by my guarantor for the scholarship. Since young Mike gorgor has always doted on me, and up till when I was JC he still drove all the way to nj from his camp company to fetch me home when harmoc ended super late. Yet I have never done anything for him. Feel so bad, yet so touched. He just agreed without hesitating, and with no other questions asked. It's time I sit down and think about how i should repay Mike gorgor for this. I guess he knows about my real ********* all along too. And keeping that in mind makes me feel even more undeserving of all these. =/

There's alumni practice tomorrow...supposed to have a gathering with Liwen Sumitha Victoria and Yingjie at Vic's house (my JC pw group!). But because of extended practice and also other reasons I will have to miss it. =( After practice I will be home practising more of harmoc and pianica, and I have loads of stuff to prepare for Natalin which I am not done with. =( and tuition's in the morning of the next day - sunday =((...then go JE for 2 more classes before rushing down to bugis for Mr. Song's wedding dinner, which is our performance. =(( But one good thing is I am really looking forward to his wedding dinner. I realise I really enjoy going for wedding dinners, cos it's so nice to see a couple coming in together on the red carpet. Such a romantic and happy occasion! :D

After that we'll be going home super late, and monday I have to make a visit to NUS Registrar's office. After that i'll have to go get some toiletries and camp stuff in preparation for OBS. Tues till Fri will be OBS so these 4 days 3 nights will be spent at Ubin, as well as some nights in pitched tents in the forest...and I'll only have my handphone with me. Unlike some of the teaching scholars I met today, I am really looking forward to OBS. And I'm not even allowed to participate in the activities, or some but I will be warned to limit myself because the doctor certified me unfit for it. But still I am really looking forward, cos it's another opportunity to stretch myself and challenge my limits. I guess it's only after losing something you will then grow to cherish it even more. If i were today a healthy individual i think i'll be dreading OBS like the others too. =\

I can't wait to get to know the rest of the 90 teaching scholars, and bond with everyone (: hah thought i will feel old with almost everyone (girls) one year younger than me - peiyee, kaixin and so on. Luckily i realise that the guys are one year older than me. cos they are the cohort entering uni this year. Okay at least i don't feel so old! Don't remind me i'm turning 20!

SMU benches

Ok this week's been quite good :D found two guarantors which are none other than my parents who actually didnt qualify but got allowed by MOE on exemption. sent in acceptance letter, hopefully the doctor at raffles medical cleared me as 'fit' for the scholarship lol then everythin will be fine alr. health checkup, other than heart prob nowhere else got problem and i'm really happy. got a super long and entertaining phonecall while i was waiting for checkup at Raffles medical, and on the other end of the line the person* was madly singing away. LOL. *ahem*. went for breakfast today with mei and took the photos below at the SMU benches where she mugged the afternoon away with her two girlfriends while i went home. give tuition tmr. (:

I realise i'm really happy with these simple joys of life. just meeting up with friends for breakfast, hearing them over the phone once in a while when they are SUPER-HIGH, passing medical checkups (hopefully), working for discovery camps, (mei, the yale joke omg.) and coming back home to see that my parents are well and watching their favorite tv show. Nothing bad of any sort happen and everything's peaceful. wish life will always be like that...but i saw a quote which says: "the ship kept at the dock is always the safest. but the ship isnt built to be kept at the dock. out far to the ocean the ship will go, winds will then come and battle the sails. but until the winds come, enjoy the peacefulness of the dock. :)

Ok another new discovery today - and yup, Yap. Yap Ming Teck (:

back to Evolution. good night! :D

Charmaine

Dear all

Please take 30secs to read this!

Also visit - http://ourfeistyprincess.blogspot.com/ and http://ourfeistyprincess.com/

If you are keen in donating or helping Cynthia and her family in any way:- Go to http://ourfeistyprincess.com/donors_to_note.php- Thank you.




From her mother:

Hi,

My Charmaine has just completed 3 out of 5 rounds of chemotherapy at NUH in April. Her doctor said that Charmaine has only 10% - 20% chance to live. I still feel very down and lost.

A few weeks ago, Charmaine's doctor told me that a drug in New York will double up her chance of survival to 40% - 50%. Suddenly, I saw a glimpse of hope for her. Unfortunately, the drug is not available in Singapore and is not yet approved in Singapore.

I, then, asked her doctor how much I would need to gather to bring Charmaine to Memorial Sloan Kettering Cancer Centre (MSKCC), New York for the drug. I was told USD $350,000 is required as the upfront deposit before treatment begins.

My glimpse of hope quickly vanished.I felt numbed...I just cried...

For I felt awfully helpless...Where am I going to find half a million Singapore dollars?!

Am I going to lose my daughter?

I don't want to lose my child...I want to try...I will never forgive myself if I do not even try...I shall try. I shall plead.

I plead with you to try to help me organise a private donation drive within your network of friends and working colleagues. You can choose from a range of fundraising ideas on Fundraising or come up with a fundraising idea of you own. Please pardon me for making this challenging request unto you. As a mother, I must try for my child. I must try. I am really really sorry if I have been rude.

Please help me. I am desperate.

If you can help Charmaine's treatment with a private donation drive, please go to Fundraising to choose a fundraising idea and to fill in a simple form to start the ball rolling. I will be absolutely grateful!

If, for any reasons that you are unable to, do not feel bad about it. I understand. Nevertheless, I would still like to thank you for your time reading and considering fulfilling this special request.


Cynthia Lim

DVC Day 4

DVC's gonna end tomorrow and I'm feeling really sad now. Can't believe I've grown to be so attached to the 30 kids in my class in such a short period of time. I'm really gonna miss them so much... and jiamin too. Today is excursion day again and we went to the Animal Farm at seletar as well as AVA/CAWC. So it's a whole day of interaction with animals, carrying rabbits talking to cockatoos and feeding geese as well as other animals. Some photos below :D

This was taken in the seminar room of CAWC (Centre for Animal Welfare & Control). And our teacher Mdm Latifah was making use of the waiting time to go through the concert item for friday's camp closing concert. Mdm Latifah is actually only 29 and she's a really funny character who scolds yet at the same time gives praises for students who are deserving. I guess that's one way she gains respect from her students. =)


And this is the boy who showed concern for me whenever other bad boys bully me. He's Seth. :D

Me, my messy hair and Natalin (: during lunch time today!

My class kids playing the squirrel and tree game after lunch :D

Another photo in the seminar room of CAWC

Spot the girl at the back, that's my buddy Jiamin, the other leader of our class A4 Blue. At first I took her as a very quiet girl..until she slowly warmed up and showed the playful side she actually has :) I really enjoyed working with this innocent (latifah and i will know why haha) hwachong girl XD

Seth at Animal Farm :)

Jazlyn and the Cockatoo!

Me and Seth! :D

Aaron (:

Shuting and Dian (...binte .. yes she's a Malay! doesn't look like one right!)

Tristan trying to go near the horse. Our naughty boy here :p

Everyone trying to get hold of the cockatoo ;)

Jaden and Tristan close up (below) (: These guys arh.. modified the lyrics of a song in The Lion King Movie. And it goes like that: "In the Jungle, the mighty jungle the lion sleeps tonight, jiejie farted, a tsunami started and everybody died." And everyday jiamin and I would hear it being sung.

And there is this other one that goes: "Popeye the sailorman poo poo, he lives in the garbage can. He opens the door and shh shh on the floor and popeye the sailor man." =\

And another one that i heard of last time: "I hate you, you hate me, let's go out and kill barney. With a gunshot bang bang Barney on the floor, no more purple dinosaur" (sung in the same tune).

Cute Yong Ray (:

Tristan, Seth and Corliss in order.

Chengxin on the left :)

Edwin (:

Jiamin! :D

there's nothing wrong with the photo. you're seeing double. :D twins Jessica and Jacqueline

That's it for thursday, and tmr's gonna mark the end of DVC. :( :( :(

MOE TSL

Omg I got the Teaching Scholarship (Local) ! :D

I thought I could already say byebye to the scholarship after the PSC psychometric test, cos i was so demoralised by it - especially the critical thinking section. To think I passed it omg and my super short interview lol - super blessed with luck. but now i'm really headache over the whole list of terms and conditions.

Haha I realise I really am sharing joy and disappointment through my blog... failed attempts into SOM and successful scholarship application. Life's really full of ups and downs. :)

Beginning of DVC

I've just recently started working, as a camp leader for primary school science Discovery Vacation Camps (DVC). What an experience. Today's only my second day of work and i'm already dead-beat! Wow, luckily I've been trained in Myanmar last december. "Trained" as in having had the experience of kids climbing all over you, haha.

Myanmar children are much better behaved though, and they only hug you if they come close to you. Singapore kids are... er... they poke you, tickle you, pull off your cap, call you names etc. And they are only primary 2s and 3s! They basically climb all over you, but they are really scared of their teachers. As for leaders like us, gorgors and jiejies so to speak, we're like one of their toys, lol. Tuesdays and Thursdays are excursion days, so we had outing today, to Singapore Botanic Gardens, specifically the Orchid Gardens. And on the way you could hear "Jiejie i want air-con", "jiejie i'm very tired i want to sit down", "jiejie can you carry me i cannot walk already", "jiejie can you help me hold this i want to drink water", etc etc. Haha and each time there's not just one but a group charging at you. During the times we were in class or playing games they would give us names. "jiejie gohchern" becomes "jiejie Butt" and according to their theory they say its because "gohchern" sounds like "kaching" which is buttock in hokkien. Gosh. And then "jiejie gohchern are you older or younger than jiejie jiamin?"(jiamin is the other leader in my class i work with, of jianeng's age) "i'm 20, one year older than jiejie jiamin" and then they went "oh but how come you are shorter than jiejie jiamin?"... "i'm born like that haha"... "we call you old woman ok. haha u are our old woman!" and then after all the kaching... i decided to let them call me by the name I have on my first birthcert (the non-amended name)...so i told them if it is hard to pronounce gohchern they can just call me jiejie diana. And then they went "jiejie are you princess? but princess diana is dead already why are you still alive?" and i was like "wa. =/"

Actually, as much as the above made me and jiamin angry at some times and we really gotta scold them to instill some discipline in the class, I must admit, (and jiamin will, too) that we really had great fun. Even though it's been just two days, we've grown so close to the kids - really close. And i guess it's because we stick around 9 to 5 everyday, have tea and lunch together, played concentration game on bus together and hence there was all the time for bonding. Our teacher, jiamin, myself, and the kids really could build rapport. And even though the camp hasn't ended I'm already pretty sure I'll miss DVC alot. our teacher mdm latifah who's only 29, jiamin my buddy who is always the "catcher" when they play catching, and these 30 naughty but adorable kids.

Naughty ones aside there are a few who are really sweet. This boy called Seth actually asked if I was feeling ok after the other naughty boys all charged at me and poked me. And he kept asking if I was ok.. very sweet boy. And then there is this girl called yiling who drew me a card on bus today. On the card she drew a picture of a lady which she labelled it as me and on top it says "To jiejie diana, from nobody." LOL.

on a side note, i realise it's much more convenient to let others call me by the name of diana than 'gohchern'. many people will just need some time to figure out how to properly pronounce it, especially when i introduce myself to new people i meet like these kids..and while socialising it's impossible to bring out a pen and paper and write out my name for everyone. 'Diana' is a meaningful name too, and maybe I should really start using it. It serves as a reminder for me about the incident, the incident that changed my life, reminding me that i've been through that and should always cherish all i have in possession now. At this moment it might sound confusing...leave the explanation to another day ba. But for now this is something to share - that "Goh Chern" is actually my amended name on my amended birth cert! ;) and "Diana" is the name on the first and original one.

For the moment i shall keep it a secret why my name was changed years ago. XD

Okay off to the toilet for big business, and more of DVC tomorrow :D