A wait worthwhile?

Today is my last day at Edukids Tuition Centre.

I decided to leave the centre a few days ago because I want to focus more on my schoolwork now that i'm under the scholarship and have certain academic standards to reach. Okay, actually the main reason is not school I'll admit (it's some other reason). I quit the centre but I start to do voluntary tutoring at Club Rainbow Singapore...so it's like a trade one-for-one. And because of this I got into a big argument with my mum a few days back. =(

My mum's always not supportive of me doing voluntary work, ever since I started to visit MINDS 3 years ago. My mum always objects to any kind of community service I do. And this bugs me alot because other than music, voluntary work is the next thing I'm very passionate about. So I was feeling very sad. I tried to tell my mum nicely that I quit my job at Jurong and I started to do voluntary work again - this time not MINDS but at Club Rainbow. And immediately she raised her voice and started going on and on about how voluntary work can have deleterious effects on my academic performance and so on. And then the usual stuff she'll say is how stupid I am and that if I continue being so soft-hearted I'll get myself buried with burdens next time when I'm out to work.

But this is something I really love doing and it wouldn't affect my academic performance..in fact doing things you are passionate about makes life feel more purposeful and hence gets you more motivated in your studies doesn't it? Sigh, okay at least I managed to talk my mum over on that so things are settled now :). Actually mums and dads are all the same - they may really object to something you do but at the end of the day deep down inside their hearts they just want you to be happy. :D

So yes I think I shall share abit about my tuition centre experience. I've been there for 5 months and I must say I gained quite a lot in these short span of half an academic year. I think the biggest gain is the part on the students.

Okay I think the greatest impact comes from this one student. She's the only normal academic student and she's one of the most mischievious ones around. From the start, I never seen her differently - I felt she could achieve the same. But over time I realised that this girl sees herself very differently even though I don't. Although from first look you might think she's loud, outspoken and bold... but somehow I felt that she sees herself in a very negative light. So I tried to establish a slightly deeper connection with her. She added me on msn and we chatted once in a while (a very long while).

Gradually I realised that she has a brother also from the tuition centre, who's smart and doing well in school. Her parents dote on her brother but sees her as a failure (directly quoted from her) because she's in normal acad and can't study.

I don't know, but I really have faith in this girl. I see a spark in her and I believe that spark could ignite a bigger flame. On and off I tried to encourage her a bit. I told the class about myself, the difficult journey I went through in school during my younger times when I felt so different from everyone.

And here comes my gain - I see a change in her - a small one. She tried to put in some effort now, when she used to go around with the cant-be-bothered-by-anything attitude. She started to open up more and she's no longer in very bad mood in class.

And what was most surprising was - she made a promise to me today. She smsed me after tuition ended. What happened was today I got angry and I lectured them during class. Cos they gave me a wonderful farewell present by having everyone fail the test except 1 who passed but passed pathetically. For 5 months I have never lost my temper at them, regardless of the number of times I hear the F word, CB, and other stuff being thrown at me in class. I never lost my temper even though they have NEVER for once come back with COMPLETED homework. But I lost my temper today. And I told my them how honoured they should be to have me lose my temper.

I learned something about the teachers who've taught me in the past today. Teachers get angry only for one reason - because they care. They care enough to feel that extreme emotion.

So this was what she wrote: "Well..I noe u R kinda disappointed in me..so sorry..but i promise u i'll try my vry best in everythin i do juz bcuz u bother 2 care even though we r unrelated.. and of cuz i'll honour my promise made..k..but frankly,i hate de fact dat u r leavin us 4 good..but i'll work hard bcuz i dun wan pp hu hav faith in me 2 feel disappointed..in 5 years' time, i'll do my vry best to be the best i can be, i'll keep my promise..trust me.."

The reason why I'm typing her sms here is because I know my phone will die out one day and when I lose my contacts I don't wish to lose this proof of the promise she made. In 5 years' time I'll be looking back at this blog entry, hence this sms she sent me. And I hope by then, I would see a 19 (14 + 5) year old girl who's happy with her life and making the best out of it... and with that be relieved that the wait was indeed worthwhile.