Commitments

A few hours ago I took out my schoolwork and was ready to sit down and do a little bit of revision after a whole day sleep due to fever. And as I sat down I realise I couldn't concentrate at all...many things were running through my head.

So I did a mental list of the commitments in hand now:

1. Toastmasters

2. Myanmar YEP

3. Tuition for Natalin

4. Voluntary tutoring at Club Rainbow

5. Application for SEP

6. Schoolwork with 5 heavy modules

A week ago I was asked to be co-leader for the Myanmar YEP. I accepted the offer as being in Myanmar in December would mean I could fulfil a promise I made last year. I promised a girl by the name of su su htwe in Andrew Orphanage (yangon), that we'll keep in contact and I'll visit her again. Ever since coming back to Singapore I've held on to this promise and waiting to fulfil it come December 2009. And so happily I agreed to be the vice project director of this Myanmar team cos that would give me an opportunity to fulfil my little promise.

Just a few hours ago, I made an irresponsible decision to back out. Even though I might be seen as a person not to be trusted, I decided I should back out early. And as for the little promise, I will fulfil it, maybe on a 2day backpack trip to Myanmar, either this Christmas or Next June.

Looking at my list of commitments scares me, and it stresses me out too much because for each of the commitment I always want to do my best for it. If I can't do a good job I would rather not do it, which is why I terminated work at Jurong East. So out of the list I decided I should eliminate one of them. And of the list of things I decided to strike of 'Myanmar YEP'.

I want to have more time with my aged parents, which is top on my list.

Have you ever been in such a position, where you were forced to make a quick decision. Like in my case, "A - go YEP, pre-trip planning will be hectic, mum will be worried if i go, but i'll get to learn so much and grow." and "B - do without the trip, stay in Singapore and spend more time with my family." And so you say "Ok I will choose B and spend more time with your family." The question now is "Are you sure you will spend more time with your family if you were to stay in Singapore?"

Sometimes we encounter such situations, where we have to make a choice. Most of the time life is not so ideal as to let us embrace the best of both worlds. Under such circumstances, you actually learn which are your priorities in life, cos your ultimate decision will be in favor of the something top on your priority list. It is also under such circumstances where you would end up saying "Ok i will choose B and spend more time with my family." In actual fact, would you really spend more time with your family? Would it really make a difference in the amount of time/quality of time you spend with them?

This whole issue just boils down to one thing. When you make a choice to do something, sometimes (not all the time) we will tend to tie it to another something and make the decision and "EITHER-OR". And then just tell ourselves that time doesn't allow and hence I gotta make a choice. Actually, you are only making a choice, one choice, surrounding that something you are deciding whether to commit to. You tie it to another to make it either-or just so because you want to feel like you have a valid excuse to strike out one of them.

In fact, I was just making a decision of whether to lead the Myanmar team, or not to lead. I guess it really isn't an either myanmar-or my time with my parents thing. Cos ultimately if you really want to do something, all the tissues and cells in your body will be with you to pursue that something you want to do. And nothing can stop you, virtually nothing can as long as you have the unrelenting determination to persevere through. And I could have just chosen both. I would just squeeze out time for my family and make sure the little time I get to spend home are quality time.

I concluded that the part about spending more time with my parents could just be an excuse to tide over this dilemma, or to help me make a decision cos I'm introducing one more factor of consideration. In reality, the decision to back out or not is only an affair of Myanmar with no other of my priorities in the picture. I can only say, maybe in the first place I wasnt passionate enough about it. And backing out from it is no one's fault but mine alone.

With that I have decided, that I have since made the choice not to embark on the YEP, I will make sure it is not just an excuse to spend more quality time with my parents. I will really do it, bring them out even more often and make them happy...for their joy is mine and if they are happy, I will also be.

I will make sure my time in Singapore is well-spent, now that I don't have Myanmar to commit to. I will do my best for all the other commitments. And in whatever I do wherever I am, I will make sure my heart is also there.